Realistic Reincarnation
by Mistress Anko
Summary: Stories about a girl being a reincarnated OC in various fandoms realistically. Warning some of her lives may be short.
1. Chapter 1

Realistic Reincarnation.

One thing she had noticed in most self-insert stories she had read was that 1 the character always feared death unless they were suicidal, mentally disturbed, or god-like. 2 the character always accepted that lives even ones they once thought were fiction had value and the only time they really attempted to be a villain they were either misunderstood or a bad person.

She had never thought that way. First of all if you had been reincarnated it was extreme arrogance to believe this only happens to you. There is no more mystery at the other side of life. Death is simply rebirth. You may fear pain, you may fear the loss of self for there is no certainty that whatever happened to make you remember your last past life would happen again so you may be reborn without your memories next time. However there is no logical reason to believe that you will go to heaven, hell, or stop existing completely just because you die.

The first thing a self-inserted character in a reincarnation fanfiction should do is come to terms with this new world view. Not only do you not need to fear death what reason do you have to fear hurting other people? First of all there is no consequences in the beyond, second of all death does is restart life therefore if they had a shitty life they might even thank you for it if they remembered in their next life. A soul will not stop being if you kill the body it is caged in, you will not even deprive the person life experiences they may have gained because for all you know they will be reborn to live a better they there then they would have hear.

Morals have lost their meaning…in most cases. While one can accept this theatrical knowledge if would be no easy thing to act on it. Just because this makes perfect since does mean you would not feel horror and guilt if you killed someone right? It's ingrained cultural behavior to emphasize with people; yes you could slowly make yourself a sociopath to a certain degree. You could began by hurting people for no reason and learn to kill small animals with no remorse, and that could lead killing innocents or taking over the world and what not, but the question is do you really want to go though that trouble?

Most likely not, it would a pain in the ass to break yourself of all cultural normal and become something you don't need to be for any reason. Just why bother with it? In fact why bother with all the hardships and turmoil you know is going to happen. It makes much more sense so stay out of it. Most people didn't have the motivation to do great good or evil. What did knowing the plot of a story have to do with changing the world?

Nothing absolutely nothing. The only good knowing the story did was give you a choice you wouldn't have otherwise had. That's why a three year old snuck out of the house at night and stood by the water.

The story I was in was called Shingeki no Kyojin or Attack on Titan was another name for it. At three years of age I had determined the timeline of the story and I would be just the right age to try and save a bunch of kids I didn't care about if I let myself grow up, assuming that I wasn't eaten first of course.

In my first life I died at age 24 in a car wreck, in my second life I died at age 3 from drowning. Emotionally I felt nothing but relief as I gulped up icy water and slowly suffocated to death oh it wasn't pleasant, but it wasn't being eaten alive either, so let's call it a plus.


	2. Chapter 2

My second life allowed me to assume it was normal for a time at least. First of all I seemed to be in a perfectly normal Japan. The technology matched pretty well with what I remembered from my first childhood and after a few weeks of skimming the local library I determined there was nothing obviously strange going on. No monsters, magic or anything else that could cause me lots of pain and torment. Sure some great calamity could happen at some point in time in the future or there could be hidden dangers that I don't know anything about, but worrying about things I couldn't control wouldn't do me any good so I decided to enjoy my new life as much as I could.

I found a joy in learning about the new culture I was in. I appeared to have a nice normal loving family. My mother stayed at home and my father worked for the police department. This job worried me somewhat as in most fiction; police officers were pretty much just cannon fodder in the event of alien invasion or what not and wouldn't have a long life expectancy. However I reminded myself that just because I had been sent to a fictional world the first time there was no certainly I would be sent to another one, or if I was it could be a very peaceful world where the focus was on romance, sex, or even one of those card game anime. Really I was worrying over nothing.

So I grew to be 4 years old, one year older then I had been last time when I killed myself. I'm not sure why that thought occurred to me just then, as I awoke on my birthday. For some reason I couldn't shake the memory of ending my own life, the way the sky had looked before I went under, how cold the water was. Perhaps I was finally having some sort of Post-traumatic stress after a successful suicide? Strange it took 4 years for it to kick in.

I went down-stairs and greeted my mother as she served my breakfast. She was a pretty woman, with a kind face. She seemed oddly content to be a housewife and was soft spoken, but didn't seem to be overly submissive. Looking at her life from someone who had once been a young and independent woman in America her life was extremely foreign.

Perhaps I thought to myself, I would attempt to be more feminine in this life. You had to be so very careful not to be thought of as weak if you embraced traditional gender roles in America, but there was a quite strength to this woman that was now my mother and just perhaps I could try to be more like her.

On the other hand, I considered as I forced the chopsticks to obey my fingers, my new father also had a quite strength to him. This could have more to do with Japanese culture then with gender roles, or just as my parents as individuals.

My father sat down at the table and also greeted me, we did not I noticed seemed to be a very religious family as no prayer had been said at the table. This was a relief to me as I had been agnostic my first life and I supposed I was now…was it the Buddhist that believed in reincarnation? I think so, but that also had something to do with karma and being reincarnated into animals. Didn't it? I'm going to have to do some more research, though I believe I had confused my mother enough for an entire lifetime the last time we went to the library and I had scorned the children's books for maps of the world and anything to do with history that I could find. Exactly how would she react to my attempts at finding books on religion? I mused.

I was interrupted from my ponderous by my parents who not only wanted to wish me a happy birthday they also wanted to inform me that my mother was pregnant. And I would have new sibling before my next birthday.

I made sure to stress my happiness about the new child as that is what was expected and wanted from me, truly I didn't really care. Babies weren't very interesting and I have had younger siblings before so it wouldn't really be that much of a change for me. Though I could, if I wanted to…. use my new sibling as a confidant?

No adult would believe me if I told them I was a reincarnation or if they did they wouldn't know how to feel about it and it could damage my relationship with that person. A child though would believe me and even think it was 'cool'. Yes I could build up a nice sibling relationship based around my secret, really bond with this future child in a way that I wouldn't be able to do with my new parents.

Suddenly developing more of an interest in the child, I tuned into my parent's conversation as they were discussing baby names.

"I've always liked the name Raito myself. Yagami Raito. Has a nice sound to it, yes?"

Raito…Raito in English would be pronounced Light.

Light Yagami…from Death Note.

God damn it.


	3. Chapter 3

Looking back on the day her brother Light was born she had a lot of choices, many paths she could have went down. Perhaps the most moral of options was to kill the child. She thought about it, even went into his room in the dark to stand over the cradle and thought of how common it is for newborns to smother in their sleep. All she would need to do would be to move the baby slightly. Face down on the cot with the blanket trapped around his face. It would look like he did it all on his own.

However she was selfish, what did she care for thousands upon thousands of lives? They were all fictional anyway. Light was fictional to of course, but he was also her brother and she already planned that he would be her only friend. In order to keep herself sane she deiced that every life she would pick one person to love, one person to be loyal to, one person to care about more than herself. In order to come to terms with the idea that she was surrounded by people that breathed only ink, she would pick one person each life to be real.

There was only one option when you narrowed it down that she would take. She knew that she didn't want to invest time and affection into her brother only for her to find them on opposite sides of good and evil and there was no way to ensure that she could shape him into a different person. Besides maybe if she could speak to a Shinigami she might find out while she was remembering her lives.

She stood over his crib and stroked his head that had the barest hint of hair on it.

"Yes, little brother. Big sister will help make your dreams come true."

After all the only thing your missing in order to win it all is a name.

A name I know well.

Nate Rivers

(Do you want to see more of Deathnote because I could linger on chapters describing her relationship with Light or I could make the next one the last chapter focusing on Deathnote and wrap it up there.)


	4. Chapter 4

It was dangerous and just plain wrong to assume you knew anything much less everything when you've been reincarnated into a world you've read about. After all who says if this is the manga or the anime, the book or the movie, the AU, the crossover? You just can't know.

Looking back I'm pretty pleased that I didn't kill my little brother as an infant. There really wouldn't have been any point.

You see I should have known when I first saw the dark haired child, but hair colors change. My own was the light brown of the original main character, but so what? I was someone that hadn't existed before and dark hair could grow lighter, it had happened to a friend of mine in my first life after all. She was as blond as could be with baby pictures of black hair.

I hadn't thought much of it so with a plan in mind I lived my life and enjoyed it.

In this world school came easy to me. Math and science was no longer my enemies for some reason. I found myself excelling at most everything. Of course that was to be expected at first, I was an adult in a child's body. I expected my ability to learn things quickly to fade as my brain went from the absorbent child's brain to a teenage one, but it never did. My mind stayed sharp and my memories clear. I guess the Yagami's just have good genes?

I began to consider actually being able to go to collage in this life. I had never been before and I should have the time all I really needed was to give Light the advice 'Do not play with L ignore him and if you can't this is his name and the name of his successors.' I could sit back and have my own life while my cute baby brother became a god.

I decided to be a psychologist. I had always been interested in why people did the things they did and understanding people would be a big help in most worlds I could be reborn into. In fact I become a little obsessed with preparing for the next world I was born into. Being in Japan was something of a godsend because ANIME! They kind of had a lot of it and it was extremely important that I read, watch and memorize as much of it as possible.

My parents thought this was rather strange, but as long as my grades didn't slip they weren't all that bothered. I ended up with huge notebooks full of world plots and how to fix the plot and not to touch the plot and destroy the plot and pretty much just dissecting everything I could. I had decided drowning myself again at least in the very beginning wasn't an option I wanted to take again. I may as well see how long I could live even in a shitty world. If I was prepared enough then I should be fine.

I did other things to better my chances. I took a women's self defense class and made notes on how to build a fire and skin animals and other things I could need if I found myself in a poor, technology lacking world. I took so many language courses in school that my parents though I was going to become a linguist. I devoted myself to learning, with fiction as my main hobby and I was pretty happy.

I was also saving my money as I was considering making a trip to England after college to see if I can hunt down Whammy's House. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be allowed to adopt one of the 'letter' kids, but it wouldn't hurt to look into it. I had never liked the idea of being pregnant but adopting a kid was actually something I had wanted to do and never did in my first life so it certainly wouldn't hurt to see if I could snag a genius would it? It wasn't a plan set in stone, but it was something I was considering.

So my life was pretty good. I was happy. I was planing for my future, and if Light's hair stayed that same dark shade then oh well. Genetics right?

Right.

I was in English class because I still considered it my mother-tongue and wanted an excuse to use it. I was sitting by the window because it was a stupidly easy class for me and I liked watching the clouds go by. I was asked to translate a passage.

I did so. I noticed nothing wrong.

I looked out the window and a notebook fell out of the sky.

I wasn't Light Yagami's big sister.

I was a female Light Yagami named Sayu.

My little brother was a male Sayu named Light.

My plans were all fucked.


	5. Chapter 5

I was watching a man hold up a school on television and I did nothing.

The Deathnote was in my hand and I did nothing.

I hadn't been certain at first that I could do it, be this heartless, but what was death anyway? This world supposedly had a heaven, hell and purgatory according to the anime therefore even if they didn't get reincarnated any child that died should go automatically to heaven.

I had considered numerous plans and discarded them.

Of course I couldn't use the note until I talked with the Shinigami, but I could have tricked someone else into using it and then had them give up the note and forget about it. The problem being the easiest person to this to would have been my own little brother and I that was just a sacrifice I wasn't willing to make just yet. He wasn't the Light Yagami I had hoped for, that I had needed, but in the end he was my confidant. He alone knew that I was a reincarnation and that secret shared seemed to lift a burden from my shoulders.

I had however decided that was where the information I would give him was at an end. I had planned not to speak of my knowledge of this world until he received the notebook, but as that would no longer be happening my plans had to change.

To be perfectly honest I had somthing of a very quiet break down after I saw the notebook fall.

My thoughts had run rapid and disconfigured.

_Was I Light? How much of me was Light? I was smarter, but what about my personality? Was I obsessed with planning for other worlds when I couldn't even be certain this would keep happening because of his personality or my own? Had I just grabbed onto this obsession to escape boredom? The boredom that had driven Light insane?_

_Who had I been in the last world? I didn't think I was a main character, but if the genders can be switched? _

_Who was my brother? I had loved him, confided in him because I thought I knew who he would be one day. He would be the god of the new world. He would be a genius. He would be a leader. He would do terrible things and if I never judged him for them he wouldn't judge my decisions either. He was supposed to be my sanity, my absolution. My justification in not trying to save the world because he was supposed to save it._

I had even gotten a little frantic at one point.

_I didn't care about this world. I don't care. I don't believe in these people. They aren't real! No one is real, but me!_

But in the end I had calmed and felt as if I could see clearly for the first time in a long while.

_I can't live like this. Not caring about anything. I exist so the world around me must exist and for now I had to believe the people I see everyday aren't just paper and ink._

It was a difficult conclusion to come to.

I had been sticking my head in the sand this whole time believing I wouldn't have to really deal with this, but now it was all up to me. For better or for worse only I could make the choice.

My thoughts turned toward the future.

Ryuk would have to be...well not really a confidant, but an ally. Thank goodness the creature was easily bribed by apples.

What happened next would completely depend on what the Shinigami knew.

Was I part of this world now? Would I go to heaven or hell if I didn't use the Deathnote? If I did use it would I be reincarnated again instead of stuck in purgatory?

Did I even have the numbers floating above my head? Did I even have a name?

I had to know. Only if I was certain what my afterlife would bring could I decide where to go from here on out.

That being said, sometimes my fingers twitched and I found myself wondering.

If I was a god...

If _I _was a god then would I heal the suffering of this world...

or would I claim it for myself?

Really? How over overdramatic was that?

Also, eww responsibility.

Not sticking my head in the sand anymore was great and all, but that doesn't mean I want to cramp up my hand writing thousands of names.

I seriously need to stop stressing over this and for that matter stop planning shit that's just going to get fucked up again.

I tuned off the TV. Why was I even bothering with it? I have homework to do and manga to read and really no reason not to continue having my perfectly normal life.

I'm not Light Yagami, I'm me and I'm going to handle this my way.

And my way involves going to read really smutty fanfiction.


End file.
